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01/20/2008: "The Three Secrets to Happiness..."

No matter how much we earn, no matter how much we have in the bank, no matter how nice our clothing or cars or toys, none of it will make us happier. And the sad thing is that it could take us decades of pursuing wealth and luxury items before we realize this.

So what will bring us happiness? Luckily, it’s three things that don’t cost a thing. These three things have been proven by research — surveys of hundreds of thousands of people about what they have, what their lives are like, and how happy they are.

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Here they are, the Three Secrets to Happiness:

1. Good relationships. We have a human need to be close, to be intimate, with other human beings. Having good, supportive friendships, a strong marriage or close and loving relationships with our family members will make us much more likely to be happy. Action steps: Take time, today, to spend time with your loved ones, to tell them what they mean to you, to listen to them, and develop your relationship with them.
2. Positive thinking. I’m obviously a big proponent of positive thinking as the best way to achieve your goals, but it turns out that it can lead to happiness too. Optimism and self-esteem are some of the best indicators of people who lead happy lives. Happy people feel empowered, in control of their lives, and have a positive outlook on life. Action steps: Make positive thinking a habit. In fact, this should be one of the first habits you develop. Get into the habit of squashing all negative thoughts and replacing them with positive ones. Instead of “I can’t” think “I can”. It may sound corny, but it has worked for me, every time.
3. Flow. This is a popular concept on the Internet these days — the state we enter when we are completely focused on the work or task before us. We are so immersed in our task that we lose track of time. Having work and leisure that gets you in this state of flow will almost undoubtedly lead to happiness. People find greatest enjoyment not when they’re passively mindless, but when they’re absorbed in a mindful challenge. Action steps: Find work that you’re passionate about. Seriously — this is an extremely important step. Find hobbies that you’re passionate about. Turn off the TV — this is the opposite of flow — and get outside and do something that truly engages you.

Replies: 3 Comments

There is truth to all of this! And for number 2 on the list, read "The Secret." It is truly amazing what thinking positively does for you. It got me my job, I really believe that. I also believe that it is the reason that David and I are back together and trying for a second chance (even though many do not agree)... but it does make me happy. I also think that your surroundings make you happy. I hated Richmond and was miserable where we lived and not being able to find a job, but in my new place here I love it! It feels so warm and cozy and it's home (it also helps that I have family close by - love you guys!). Your current living situation makes a big difference... I know from experience. The NC sunshine does wonders for me too. Want to nip depression in the butt, live somewhere that the sun shines and the sky is so blue almost all of the time! It makes me thank God and puts a smile on my face. I also think that faith helps... not even just faith in God and that he can help you, but also faith in your family and friends and relationships. And working hard! I know that I dread those days that I work late, but when I pump out some really great stuff because of it, I feel empowered. You always feel better when you put a lot into something and it turns out to be a great success. And certainly the happiness of children. That can make any grey sky blue again. That can go for the happiness of parents too. I get so tickeled when I do something nice for them and it makes them feel truly special and happy.

Erin said on Tuesday, January 22nd @ 09 :24 AM CST

When times are really tough, look at the faces of your kids. If you find a smile or can make one on their faces... the world is good and that is all that should matter!

Sue said on Tuesday, January 22nd @ 08 :38 AM CST

Well I can tell you a couple of secrets to happiness, one is to win your first basketball game of the season,Kam. Having your team that you have watched flounder more than you would like win a game to go to the super bowl, Dad. Beat an unbeaten team in basketball, Kenny. Realize what a great kid you have and what a good job she does, Sarah, Kelly. That also goes for the southern belles, Kris, Dee and Mattie. It also goes for Katie who also does a great job. Watching the innocence of the two little women and the happiness their smiles bring to us. And going south where we hope it will be a little warmer. Each day find one thing that made you happy during the day. Most days its hard to pick only one. Mom

hot mama said on Monday, January 21st @ 05 :49 PM CST